shimmerandsing: (hurting)
"Anybody home?"

The voice she managed was barely a whisper, so she tried again. Still no answer. That was a good sign. Alison started up the steps toward her room. Four flights of stairs was a long walk. Particularly considering that she hadn't even been sure she'd make it home. At each level, she called again and was continually relieved to get no answer.

Finally, finally she made it to the door of their bedroom. It seemed like days she had been climbing those stairs. Once inside the room and the door shut firmly behind her, she staggered and then bolted for the bathroom. Every bit of tension that had been building since her visit to the Nexus had been pooling in her stomach. Now, it was fighting to get out.

She collapsed to her knees in front of the toilet and tangled her hands in her hair as her meals from the day made their reentry into the world. It hurt. Her body heaved so hard, her ribs ached and spots danced in front of her eyes. For a few minutes, she could hardly breathe between heaves.

Once it stopped and she could breathe again, she pushed herself shakily to her feet and swatted at the toilet handle to flush. Half-blinded by tears, it took two tries, but she eventually made it. She staggered to the sink and managed to gather the strength to brush her teeth and rinse her mouth clean. In her mind, she was putting herself back together. Even if she was still shaking so hard her bones rattled.

Back in the bedroom, she kicked off her boots -- should have taken them off downstairs, oops -- and flopped down on the bed. She grabbed a pillow and hugged it to her body, curling herself around it tightly. Her chest clenched. She didn't want to cry. Did. Not. Want. To. Cry.

Instead, she does what she does best. She concentrates and draws she sounds in the room around her. It makes everything just a little louder to her ears, but she knows it also sucks the sound out of the room for anyone else nearby. That is exactly what she needs for when she draws a breath so deep it makes her aching ribs sting… and releases it in a long, wordless scream. She lay there in a cocoon of light and sound and continued to scream until her voice gave out.
shimmerandsing: (hurting)
Alison stood in front of the bathroom mirror after she'd dressed for bed. The reflection that stared back at her wasn't terribly happy. She lifted the bottom edge of the t-shirt she'd borrowed from her husband's side of the closet and looked at her flat belly. Absently, she noted that she could use a tan.

She'd just have gotten fat. Backaches and morning sickness. Babies were noisy and children were expensive. And, given the role-models she'd had, she probably would have made a horrible mother anyway.

At least, that was what she was going to continue telling herself as she dropped the shirt and heaved a long, slow sigh. After several deep, fortifying breaths, she turned the door knob and headed back to the bedroom and the woman who used to be her husband.

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Alison Blaire

September 2013

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